Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
In America we eat man semen.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Can I color on your dick again?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
