I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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