dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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