A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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