I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
