I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
