Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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