I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
