We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you told grandpa to call you daddy
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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