Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
