I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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