I got chris browned last night
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
