pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Are my feet made of real feet?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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