i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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