sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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