plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
