you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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