he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
