I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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