Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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