i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
