theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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