So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So much rum. So many feels.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
