Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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