It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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