Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
