I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
