Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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