I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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