This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
