one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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