Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
