found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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