respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize