My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
