I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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