He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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