Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
