Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
