I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
