Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
