I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
