is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
