Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
