I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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