im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
