Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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