Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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