i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
