Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
