his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
