i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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