Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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