Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
