i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
