I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
