If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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