Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize