So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
