im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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