Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He passed out mid-signature
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
