We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
