erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
