you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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