You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
