very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my poor anus
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
